Well apparently, God needed to drive home the point of being still so that I would hear what He really wanted to talk to me about: letting go of grudges. Ouch. That’s not what I was hoping to have a revelation on. Because, let’s be honest, I’m really good at holding onto them. I can still remember who hurt my feelings in the first grade and exactly how they did it! As much as I hoped my quiet times with God this first week home were going to be full of all kinds of warm fuzzies – God has had a totally different agenda. He wants to do a little more pruning. And His focus this time is really hitting where it hurts.
Grudges are sneaky. You think you’ve handled the issue and that all is well. Then all of a sudden, something new shows up and brings the old grudge right along with it. Like it’s bringing an old friend home for dinner. Or rather, an old unwelcome guest. Unfortunately for us, feeling this way just means we never really dealt with the problem in the first place. Somewhere along the journey of trying to heal from that old hurt, we chose to hang on to some it – instead of handing it all over to God and letting Him truly heal our hearts. Then we wonder why our stomach gets all tied up in knots when something comes along to remind us of the experience.
My husband and I are walking through one of those moments right now. A friend is going through a job loss situation (my husband’s former employer as well) that is nearly identical to what my husband went through two-and-a-half years ago. Right about the time I had thought I had completely gotten over all the anger and fear of the experience…I feel like we’ve just been thrown right back to that horrible place. A place where the people are mean and vindictive. Where lies are told, and the saga is drawn on and on. Where it felt for a while that we were living smack dab in the middle of a bad dream. A place that I really wouldn’t have wished upon anyone, let alone upon our friends.
Not only are we sad to see our friends have to walk through this, we’re also full of anger towards the people who are doing this to them. Their tactics haven’t changed much – still downright mean and nasty. They’ve just gotten a new target. The fact is – it still hurts.
As I started to pray about this, I heard God reminding me: “Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44) Don’t you just hate when the Spirit brings a Scripture to your mind that means you have to be the one to go into action? Especially when it means putting aside our selfish ambitions? As much as I know it’s exactly what I need to do, my rebellious side sure fights it tooth and nail.
Pride. Now there’s another part of the whole grudge-holding deal. In fact, maybe this is the true heart of the matter. See, I think in the past I’ve not recognized grudges as being prideful. I think I’ve always justified the grudge-holding by assessing the magnitude of the past hurt. For instance – if I felt that the thing done to me was deliberate and extremely cruel, then I’ve given myself the okay to occasionally go back and re-visit that grudge. Ring any bells? Never mind that if I were really being honest, I could come up with some pretty insignificant issues that I was still holding onto a grudge about.
Oh, and then there’s this tiny little truth (which really sums the whole situation up for us): all sins are equal in God’s eyes. He’s not qualifying our sins (thank goodness). So why in the world do we do that when others sin against us? And where do we get off not showering others with the same grace, mercy, and forgiveness that our Heavenly Father constantly showers upon us every single day?!
Oh my. God’s really hitting me upside the head with this one. Is this something you need to hear as well?
Refresh your memory on this passage, and pay special attention to the last line:
Galatians 5:22-26 ~ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Did you catch that last line? “Let us not become conceited”? Sounds like pride, doesn’t it? We grudge-holding pros better not overlook this one.
I’m convicted to go before God right now and ask forgiveness for all the people I haven’t fully forgiven. Some of them are from years ago. Some are very recent. No matter what the situation, they are hurts that belong in God’s hands – not mine.
I imagine that I’m not the only person God is trying to speak to about letting go of grudges. Did any of this speak to you? If it did, I pray you will get on your knees before the Lord and handle this matter right away too. I actually can’t wait to let God clean out all my old grudges. It’s a much bigger deal than I’d ever realized before.
Grudges are sneaky. You think you’ve handled the issue and that all is well. Then all of a sudden, something new shows up and brings the old grudge right along with it. Like it’s bringing an old friend home for dinner. Or rather, an old unwelcome guest. Unfortunately for us, feeling this way just means we never really dealt with the problem in the first place. Somewhere along the journey of trying to heal from that old hurt, we chose to hang on to some it – instead of handing it all over to God and letting Him truly heal our hearts. Then we wonder why our stomach gets all tied up in knots when something comes along to remind us of the experience.
My husband and I are walking through one of those moments right now. A friend is going through a job loss situation (my husband’s former employer as well) that is nearly identical to what my husband went through two-and-a-half years ago. Right about the time I had thought I had completely gotten over all the anger and fear of the experience…I feel like we’ve just been thrown right back to that horrible place. A place where the people are mean and vindictive. Where lies are told, and the saga is drawn on and on. Where it felt for a while that we were living smack dab in the middle of a bad dream. A place that I really wouldn’t have wished upon anyone, let alone upon our friends.
Not only are we sad to see our friends have to walk through this, we’re also full of anger towards the people who are doing this to them. Their tactics haven’t changed much – still downright mean and nasty. They’ve just gotten a new target. The fact is – it still hurts.
As I started to pray about this, I heard God reminding me: “Love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44) Don’t you just hate when the Spirit brings a Scripture to your mind that means you have to be the one to go into action? Especially when it means putting aside our selfish ambitions? As much as I know it’s exactly what I need to do, my rebellious side sure fights it tooth and nail.
Pride. Now there’s another part of the whole grudge-holding deal. In fact, maybe this is the true heart of the matter. See, I think in the past I’ve not recognized grudges as being prideful. I think I’ve always justified the grudge-holding by assessing the magnitude of the past hurt. For instance – if I felt that the thing done to me was deliberate and extremely cruel, then I’ve given myself the okay to occasionally go back and re-visit that grudge. Ring any bells? Never mind that if I were really being honest, I could come up with some pretty insignificant issues that I was still holding onto a grudge about.
Oh, and then there’s this tiny little truth (which really sums the whole situation up for us): all sins are equal in God’s eyes. He’s not qualifying our sins (thank goodness). So why in the world do we do that when others sin against us? And where do we get off not showering others with the same grace, mercy, and forgiveness that our Heavenly Father constantly showers upon us every single day?!
Oh my. God’s really hitting me upside the head with this one. Is this something you need to hear as well?
Refresh your memory on this passage, and pay special attention to the last line:
Galatians 5:22-26 ~ But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Did you catch that last line? “Let us not become conceited”? Sounds like pride, doesn’t it? We grudge-holding pros better not overlook this one.
I’m convicted to go before God right now and ask forgiveness for all the people I haven’t fully forgiven. Some of them are from years ago. Some are very recent. No matter what the situation, they are hurts that belong in God’s hands – not mine.
I imagine that I’m not the only person God is trying to speak to about letting go of grudges. Did any of this speak to you? If it did, I pray you will get on your knees before the Lord and handle this matter right away too. I actually can’t wait to let God clean out all my old grudges. It’s a much bigger deal than I’d ever realized before.
Thank you! - A fellow grudge holder
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, beautiful, beautiful. You had me at the title, Jen. You have a gift, my friend. Thank you for sharing it with us!
ReplyDeleteCindy :)