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Bashful Beginnings

"Lord, are You talking to ME?!"

I've been saying this a lot lately. Trying to discern if the promptings I'm feeling are actually God trying to direct my paths - or just me trying to create them.

It all started when I said "Yes!" to the Speak Up! Conference.

I love to write. I have a passion for God's Word and allowing it to make an impact in my life. I want to encourage others with the things God is teaching me.

But it might all just be a pipe dream. This might not really be anything God wants me to do.

Two summers ago is when all this really started. I was able to be part of Lysa TerKeurst's "Made to Crave" DVD filming. (You can read my initial thoughts on that here.) Having not even known when I said yes that the study was about turning our food issues over to God, is just one of the many reasons I knew God was up to something big. It was only THE biggest roadblock of my life.

Well, in a nutshell, that experience was the catalyst for major change. Not only did it help me flip the switch on my "overweight head stuff", but it introduced me to some ladies who were doing what I hadn't had the courage to do when it came to writing/speaking. And what would that be? They were actually attending writing conferences and allowing God to use their talents to His glory. They weren't just writing for fun or for their own personal processing, they were actually using their writing and speaking to encourage other women. It just hadn't occurred to me that was something I could do. I guess I thought only special people with specific degrees or upbringing or pastor's wives could do that.

Long story short - Cindy Bultema shared information with me on the Speak Up! Conference in Grand Rapids. I didn't make it there last year. Nor did I make it to She Speaks in North Carolina, but my heart just kept telling me this (attending a Christian writing/speaking conference) was something I wanted to do. So, this spring I finally did it. I signed up for my first writer's conference. Scariest thing I've done in a while. I really wasn't sure if I had any business calling myself a writer. Not sure if I was going to completely be out of my league. But I just felt I had to go.

And so I did.

Blessed. Inspired. Encouraged.

Scared. Out. Of. My. Mind.

Yep - that about sums it up!

I am now doing a lot of processing and praying about where God wants me to go from here. I very clearly know two things:
1. He doesn't want me to do anything unless it's first been covered in prayer (I am going to be asking some special prayer warriors if they'd like to join me on whatever this new journey will be)
2. He is always glorified and honored when we use our talents and passions for the betterment of His Kingdom.
I also know that whatever this entails has to fit around my calling as a homeschool mom of three kids.

And yet - I do feel called by God to do something. Something involving the words "speaker & author." Yikes! Did I just say that?!

I do not feel worthy of being used by God outside of my little family and circle of friends. In fact, I often wonder if I'm even doing what I should there. Yet I just can't deny the fact that I feel God is asking me to do more. To trust Him. To be bold enough to step outside of my little world and allow Him to use me for more. Even as I type this, I'm finding all kinds of reasons why this can't really be something God wants me to do. All kinds of reasons of why I must be mis-guided and naive.

This summer, along with preparing for our next year of homeschooling, I'll also be doing lots of praying, researching, writing, and more praying as I try to be obedient to the call I think I'm hearing. Trying to discern if I'm really hearing Him correctly - and just where in the world He first wants me to be bold enough to step out.

Will you pray for me? I would love prayer for specific direction. For peace. For courage. For confirmation that this is God's leading, and not my own idea. And, if this is really going to be part of my journey - prayers for time management would be wonderful too.

What about you? Have you felt God asking you to step out of your comfort zone in any specific areas this summer? I'd love to pray for you as well.

Thanks for stopping by!

Until next time...

Blessings Friends!

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