Friendships: Part 2

"Like a Garden"

by Anna Holden King

                   

Friendship is like a garden,

Of flowers fine and rare,

It cannot reach perfection,

Except through loving care,

Then, new and lovely blossoms

With each new day appear,

For friendship, like a garden,

Grows in beauty year by year.

I found this poem on friendship and thought it was good enough to share. Seems very insightful, doesn't it?  Friends are like a beautifully maintained garden. Such a great visual. Gardens, when given the proper time & care, are gorgeous! So is the promise of our well-invested friendships. Really the garden analogy could be carried on quite far. (I'm thinking of pesky weeds, and how the novelty of the garden can wear off once the hard work of the weeding sets in.)

So, even though my search through Scriptures on friendship was a fast one, I thought I'd share my insights so far.

Here's a smorgasbord of verses & my personal thoughts:

Friends can cause great pain (Psalm 55:12–14)
Friends love during difficult times (Proverbs 17:17)
Faithful friends are not common (Proverbs 18:24)
Friends influence you (Proverbs 22:24–25)
Friendship is marked by sacrifice (John 15:13–15)
We can be friends with God (James 2:23)
   

Friendship is a good thing. When we see Jesus living a certain way, we can always be certain that it is something we should try to emulate. Jesus had a close circle of 12 friends. The Bible references the extended families & circles of these 12, whom I imagine Jesus would also have considered His friends. We know about how much His relationship with Lazarus meant to Him. We know friendships were important to Him. It also seems like even Jesus had a smaller group of "best" friends.

Friendship is full of grace. Again, I go to Jesus' relationship with His disciples. He knew Judas would betray Him. Yet He befriended him. He knew Peter would deny Him. Yet He befriended him. He knew they were going to regularly screw up and disappoint Him. Yet...well, you get the idea. How quick can we sometimes be to write someone off as a true friend because they disappoint or hurt us?

God should be our best friend. I think that anytime I've gotten my nose out of joint over my friendships (or lack thereof), it has been because I have been trying to get my friends (or my husband) to fill a hole in my heart that only God can fill. When I have my relationship with God in the correct place, all my other relationships run much more smoothly. We see Jesus going off on his own to pray to God the Father. It's very important that we do the same.

Friendships are meant to be personal. Not electronic. Yes, this one is directly for all of us Facebook fans. Facebook has created such a false sense of relationship and I think it is really messing a lot of us up! I am trying really hard to limit my time on Facebook. And to limit my # of personal posts. I have also started narrowing down my friends list to those people I feel like I have an actual (non-Facebook) friendship with. Why are we friending people on Facebook that we wouldn't otherwise talk to?! Just to be nosey? Just to have a huge number of friends on our list?! As my kids are getting older, I'm realizing more and more that I need to set the tone of how we utilize technology in our home. I sure won't let my kids spend all kinds of time on the computer. Therefore I don't need to be either. I wouldn't want my kids friending all kinds of people just because. So I better not be doing it either. I think it's time to get off of Facebook and pick up the phone. Invite someone over. Go out for coffee. Invest in quality friendships instead of wasting time on superficial nosey-ness. (I'm preaching to myself here.) I think Facebook can have it's place...but I think many of us have allowed it to become first place.

Friendships should be uplifting. I know there are Scriptures on this, but I don't have a specific reference (search out Proverbs for some great ideas on true friends). Here's what I know for myself: life is too short and my time too precious to waste it on investing in people who are negative, sarcastic, demeaning, or just plain "downers." I believe I am called to be a light to all people who I interact with. HOWEVER, it doesn't mean I need to choose to spend my time around people who bring me down. Be a light...and then move on. Spend our time investing in those quality relationships that will have a forever value. Just like we shouldn't become unequally yoked with our spouses, I also believe we shouldn't be unequally yoked with our friends. Remember: friendships take time and energy. Let's surround ourselves with people who lift us up and encourage us. And, on the same note, let's do our best to be that same kind of friend (again, I sometimes need this reminder too).

Well, that's my initial mini-study on friendships. I know I'll continue to search and God will continue to reveal more. I guess what it boils down to (in reference to my previous post), is that I can only give to my friends what I have to give. So, if I currently have only enough time/energy for a smaller group of friends...then that is OK! My first responsibility really does need to be to God and my family.

However, having said that, I believe I can't take the cop-out that I don't have to be "friendly" to everyone. I never know who I might be interacting with. How my level of friendliness might make a difference in their day. Even though I may be busy or tired or just not in the mood to be social, it only takes a little smile and friendly gesture to possibly make some one's day. I think this is the area I need to focus on a bit more. Forcing myself out of my inward focused tendencies and make a more concerted effort to reach out to others even in those "small talk" scenarios. Yep. That's an area I can certainly stand to improve in.

In short, my opinion is: let's be friendly to everyone...but save our energy for investing in those relationships (no matter how few) that are the most healthy for us. After all, our friendship gardens take time and energy. I'd rather have a small & beautiful one than a huge one full of weeds.

What do you think?