I have a little time to reflect, on this cold & rainy June 1st day. Seems nice to actually have some time just to sit and think. The big kids are relaxing with Mikayla's friends downstairs, and lil' Squirt is at a sleepover. The house is clean. The dishes are done. That means I can write!
I've been thinking a lot lately about friendships. I have realized that my outlook on "true" friendships has certainly evolved over the years.
In school (I went to a tiny K-12 Christian school - with a graduating class of 18), since I wasn't part of the "in" crowd, I just assumed people didn't really like me. My closest friends constantly changed because people kept coming and going (moving away or just switching schools). I couldn't wait to graduate and get away from feeling like an outcast. I was very surprised when nearly everyone in my class showed up at my graduation open house though. Turns out I must have been more well-liked than I thought I was.
I couldn't wait to start college and have a fresh slate. Of course, it didn't take long to feel left out and lonely there too. My biggest regret from college is that I didn't have the courage to join a sorority. (Before you judge me, I think there were one or two that would have actually been a good experience...filled with good people that I could have really had fun with.) I was involved in orchestra and symphonette over my time there...but I have so few close friends from college that I really have no desire to ever go back for a reunion.
My years PC (post-college) and BD (before Dave) were filled with lots more of the same old feelings. My social calendar was mostly empty. My biggest dream was to have the kind of friends like they did on the show of the same name. Oh what I wouldn't have given for close friends like that. Unfortunately, the television and food became my closest companions. I had lots of good talks with God during those years though, so at least that's a good thing.
Finally, after about a year of being married, Dave and I joined a new church. Suddenly, I had friends. There was a Moms group that met regularly. I felt like I finally had that closeness I'd always wanted. We were at that church for 9 years. I tried to be social and outgoing. I tried to get over my shyness and insecurities and just be that fun person I thought would attract others. I thought I had lots of friends. But, when God moved us on to another church, I quickly realized those friendships were just as fleeting as all the ones before.
It hurt. I cried. I clammed up. I decided that too many friendships just meant too many hurt feelings. I vowed not to let that happen again.
Don't get me wrong. I do have some really close friendships now. A handful of people that I feel like I can be totally open and honest with. I treasure those friendships. And, I recognize just how much time and effort it takes to maintain them!
But...
I feel like just staying right where I'm at with those group of friends. No more. No less. Call me content.
That's what has got me thinking. Is this really the way God wants me to look at friendships? Is He asking me to "get over it"? Am I being disobedient by trying to remain "protective" of my feelings?
This isn't something I am going to try to answer in one post. (No time to sit and reflect THAT long!) But, I at least wanted to share my thoughts on it. I do feel justified in my friendship feelings. I mean, my relationship with God, my relationship with Dave, and my relationships with each of my children have to be priority. Then there is my growing extended family (another new niece-in-law to be added in September). Plus the parents of my kids' friends. I mean...all that takes time! It takes effort!
But, I get the sense I need to not be closed off to new friendships. I get the sense that God is asking me to trust Him to bring some new people into my life. I'll be honest: I don't want to. I want to keep the circle of friends right where it is. I want to keep others at a distance. I really don't want to open myself up to the same old hurts again.
What do you think? Have you had any of these similar friendship experiences? I really need to move on with my day for now, but I plan to keep contemplating this topic. I will make it my homework assignment to search the Scriptures for some of God's answers this weekend.
"Talk" to you again next week...
I've been thinking a lot lately about friendships. I have realized that my outlook on "true" friendships has certainly evolved over the years.
In school (I went to a tiny K-12 Christian school - with a graduating class of 18), since I wasn't part of the "in" crowd, I just assumed people didn't really like me. My closest friends constantly changed because people kept coming and going (moving away or just switching schools). I couldn't wait to graduate and get away from feeling like an outcast. I was very surprised when nearly everyone in my class showed up at my graduation open house though. Turns out I must have been more well-liked than I thought I was.
I couldn't wait to start college and have a fresh slate. Of course, it didn't take long to feel left out and lonely there too. My biggest regret from college is that I didn't have the courage to join a sorority. (Before you judge me, I think there were one or two that would have actually been a good experience...filled with good people that I could have really had fun with.) I was involved in orchestra and symphonette over my time there...but I have so few close friends from college that I really have no desire to ever go back for a reunion.
My years PC (post-college) and BD (before Dave) were filled with lots more of the same old feelings. My social calendar was mostly empty. My biggest dream was to have the kind of friends like they did on the show of the same name. Oh what I wouldn't have given for close friends like that. Unfortunately, the television and food became my closest companions. I had lots of good talks with God during those years though, so at least that's a good thing.
Finally, after about a year of being married, Dave and I joined a new church. Suddenly, I had friends. There was a Moms group that met regularly. I felt like I finally had that closeness I'd always wanted. We were at that church for 9 years. I tried to be social and outgoing. I tried to get over my shyness and insecurities and just be that fun person I thought would attract others. I thought I had lots of friends. But, when God moved us on to another church, I quickly realized those friendships were just as fleeting as all the ones before.
It hurt. I cried. I clammed up. I decided that too many friendships just meant too many hurt feelings. I vowed not to let that happen again.
Don't get me wrong. I do have some really close friendships now. A handful of people that I feel like I can be totally open and honest with. I treasure those friendships. And, I recognize just how much time and effort it takes to maintain them!
But...
I feel like just staying right where I'm at with those group of friends. No more. No less. Call me content.
That's what has got me thinking. Is this really the way God wants me to look at friendships? Is He asking me to "get over it"? Am I being disobedient by trying to remain "protective" of my feelings?
This isn't something I am going to try to answer in one post. (No time to sit and reflect THAT long!) But, I at least wanted to share my thoughts on it. I do feel justified in my friendship feelings. I mean, my relationship with God, my relationship with Dave, and my relationships with each of my children have to be priority. Then there is my growing extended family (another new niece-in-law to be added in September). Plus the parents of my kids' friends. I mean...all that takes time! It takes effort!
But, I get the sense I need to not be closed off to new friendships. I get the sense that God is asking me to trust Him to bring some new people into my life. I'll be honest: I don't want to. I want to keep the circle of friends right where it is. I want to keep others at a distance. I really don't want to open myself up to the same old hurts again.
What do you think? Have you had any of these similar friendship experiences? I really need to move on with my day for now, but I plan to keep contemplating this topic. I will make it my homework assignment to search the Scriptures for some of God's answers this weekend.
"Talk" to you again next week...
Comments
Post a Comment